Part 10: A Leopard Never Changes It’s Spots

As the saying goes, a leopard never changes it’s spots. I had heard the saying yet truly believed that people could and are capable of change. The part I always missed was that those people have to want to change, otherwise the saying is spot on. I can’t tell you what to do and I can’t come live your life for you. No one could stop me from my stupidity either. We all have to make choices and live with them.

I moved back in with Thomas and against my lawyer’s pleas stopped the divorce for a second time. This also meant that I had to write a letter to the attorney over the abuse case and tell them that I also wanted that to be dropped. What I didn’t realize at the time was that this was Thomas’ only goal and he had been thinking about it since at least July 24th.

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After this a few months down the road, Thomas also tried to get back into anesthesia school and I then again realized just why he wanted to stay married. He had me go with him to his re-application interview as a show of “support” and “in case” they wanted to talk to me about how I would be there and the support I would give him while in school. He used me over and over for his own agenda and it took me a while to catch on.

Right before moving back in, which was sadly too late, I found out that Thomas was constantly texting a girl that we both knew that lived in Arkansas. Over the summer they had somehow connected and she would call and text him for relationship advice, which is hilarious. What wasn’t hilarious was that I felt completely powerless on making him stop talking to this girl. With his history of cheating and things just being bad in the marriage in general I had no trust as to what this new friend was about or either parties intentions. At the same time I had a guy friend that was just that, a friend, but Thomas made such a huge deal out of our friendship or any type of communication that I told my friend I could no longer communicate with him. Thomas never stopped communicating with the girl from Arkansas.

Two weeks after moving back in with Thomas he left me in Jackson one weekend to go hunting. He also left his iPad. I was sitting on the couch looking at the iPad when I noticed it only had texts to 3 people. One was Thomas, one was myself and the other his cousin and friend Isaac. I decided to see how far back the messages went and found more than I bargained for.

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Her name was Brianna, and she did move to Florida according to Facebook not long after they would have met up. I eventually found her phone number on the Verizon bill as well around the same time. I looked at the dates on the texts and realized that this was during the same time Thomas was texting me and trying to get me to stop our divorce. This was also right after he had failed out of CRNA school and had decided to break his promise to come to counseling with me and instead go to Missouri. It was also right around the time that his sister had said he was at a bar drunk, asking to go to some girls house. Things became way too clear, I was a complete idiot for coming back. I decided to never bring finding this information up. I knew I was had, I knew I was stupid for coming back, and I knew at this point in the whole mess of it all there was nothing I could do but just keep going. I was completely powerless.

I could go back in my texts with Thomas and tell you so many details, but I am years past that life now and to revisit it in that detail can be mentally draining. What I do remember is being so upset at times and having to hide my emotions. I can remember going and crying in the shower because I didn’t want my kids to see me. Most of the time I don’t even think Thomas knew how suspicious I even was of some of the things he was doing. Thomas basically did what he wanted. He was in Tennessee working at a couple hospitals and didn’t go to Missouri as often, but I even suspected him of being too close to another female nurse in Tennessee. That’s the problem when someone cheats, you never again know their intentions.

After the beginning of 2013 Thomas quit working in Tennessee and got a job in Sikeston, Missouri at the local hospital. By May we had plans on moving back to Missouri once our kids finished school. Again I found myself alone in Tennessee all the time and going to Missouri on the weekends to see my husband. There were a few times that he would go to Missouri and go out with friends and party and stay out all night and it just turned my stomach. I never knew what was really going on, and I had every reason to still be suspicious.

In March of 2013 Thomas and I purchased land in Missouri because things were fairly good between us and I was still dead set on making this relationship work. I really felt that if we could all just be in one state together and no more running around maybe things would be back to normal. Here’s a tip, NEVER buy land, a house, a car, anything with someone you don’t trust.

On Memorial Day 2013 we all went to Thomas’ grandma’s house to have a cookout. Everything was great and suddenly I realized that Thomas had disappeared. His vehicle was gone as well and no one knew where he went. All of my phone calls immediately went to voicemail and texts would not go through, it was very odd. I am sitting around the table eating with Thomas’ family and keep asking if anyone knew where he went. His uncle speaks up and say something jokingly about him being out cheating on me. I don’t think his uncle quite knew how true his joke really was, or how bad it stung me as more of an insult to all I had already been through. When he finally started answering texts I asked him where he went and he said to an ATM to get his uncle some money for a saddle he bought from him. Later in the day he would contradict himself and say something about not having the cash yet for his uncle.

In May my kids had finally finished school and we loaded up our house again and moved back to Missouri. From the get go after coming back instead of things being easier and better they were completely odd.

From the notes I kept:

  • Wednesday May 29-moved-Thomas left around 4:30 to get a candy bar came back at 5:20.  He went back to Jackson came home at 8 am.

    Thursday May 30-Thomas slept and got up said he was going to get his bag in Morley but was gone 2 hours.  Wasn’t at Morley the whole time and claimed upon questioning that he had to take care of his horse.  Texts & anger. Night shift 7 pm-7 am

    Friday May 31-Thomas slept & went back to Jackson to mow.  Came home around 2 am

    Saturday June 1– Thomas worked 7-7 and came home sick & went to bed.

     Sunday June 2-Thomas worked 7-7 and claimed after work he was going to go look for a storage shed.  By 9 he still wasn’t home and at 9:30 a text from him claiming he was at his mom and he would be home soon.  He came home at 11:51 pm.

     Monday June 3– Thomas got up about 8:30 am took a shower and told me he was going to go get horse supplies, left at 9 am. Returned home at 4:30.  Then left at 6:15 for work across town that starts at 7 pm-7 am.

     Tuesday June 4-Thomas worked last night and gets off at 7:08 am.  Should have been home not long after.  I woke up about 7:00 and it’s now 9:18 and still no word from him about where he is.  Came home at 10:46 and had his neice with him.  Came back alone around 5 pm and took boys to get haircuts.  Then mowed front yard & slept on the couch and came to bed around 1 or 2 am.

     Wednesday June 5–Thomas got up at 6:15 took a shower, dressed, ate and left by 6:47 am.  Didn’t say a word other than “Morning” when he saw I was awake.  Guess he had planned to just sneak out.  Didn’t say where he was going.  Came home around 11 am and ate.  Then took 2 children to ride horses.  Came back at 2:10 pm.  Slept.  Worked 7 pm-7 am.

The night of June 5th I had finally had enough. I prayed and made a plan to figure out exactly what was going on.

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