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Part 11: Lies, Lies and More Lies

Standing on the other woman’s front porch that day, June 6, 2013, I couldn’t feel a thing.  I was by this point completely and totally numb inside.  The first time I had caught him cheating I felt a huge surge of emotions, almost more than I could handle.  The only thing I can compare it to is riding on a small raft out in the ocean during a storm.  Up and down, up and down.  This time I was flatlined.  I tried to get angry.  I yelled at some people leaving their homes and told them why I was standing there.  I felt nothing.  I took the .357 magnum out of...

Part 10: A Leopard Never Changes It’s Spots

As the saying goes, a leopard never changes it’s spots. I had heard the saying yet truly believed that people could and are capable of change. The part I always missed was that those people have to want to change, otherwise the saying is spot on. I can’t tell you what to do and I can’t come live your life for you. No one could stop me from my stupidity either. We all have to make choices and live with them. I moved back in with Thomas and against my lawyer’s pleas stopped the divorce for a second time. This also meant that I had to write a letter to the...

Biceps & Triceps

  Yesterday’s workout was a good arm workout for the biceps and triceps. The soreness from chest day was already setting in so some movements were a little rough. I managed to get this workout in early in the day while Penelope coached from her baby swing. Here is what I did:  ...

Chest Day

Two weeks ago I stopped going to Crossfit. I really enjoyed a lot of things about Crossfit but there were also things I didn’t enjoy. The people were amazing and super motivating. When I would be the last person to run inside they would cheer me on as they passed me. When I started I consistently went almost every day for 3-4 months. I missed Saturdays and Sunday’s usually but I was really into the challenge that Crossfit workouts gave. After and during those 3-4 months I noticed that I wasn’t noticing anything when it came to my body changing. Maybe this was diet related but I have to think...

I Lift for Dessert Basic Routine

This guide is my go to basic weight-lifting chart. If you stick with these basics for three months I guarantee you will see results! This is the update version. Old version is below. This is the older version of the workout. Basically the same I just decided to update the style and a few exercises and typos. This surprisingly is re-pinned a lot on Pinterest!...

Simple, yet Effective

Last night while the Cubs were in the 5th inning, I went to my basement to get a quick workout in. A few weeks ago I purchased a hex bar off of Amazon for a great price. I was pumped to get it in the mail and then it went to the basement and I didn’t look at it again for a month. My basement has spiders, really big spiders too. A couple months ago I was working out and a huge spider came crawling across the floor. I freaked out, tried to kill it with some weed killer that was empty, and eventually just chased it off so I...

Part 9: Only When I Walk Away

When I entered into a court room in August of 2013 to start my divorce up all over again the judge told us that we were now going to have to pay the “stupid tax”. He was right. Flashback to the Summer of 2012: on my 10 year anniversary I call the police, my husband goes to jail for slapping me, and I pack up and leave Jackson, TN to head for Illinois. It was late at night and I had 3 kids and a van loaded down with as much of our personal belongings that would stuff inside of a 2007 Honda Odyssey. Driving down the road I can remember...

Part 8: A Slap In The Face, Literally

This post is the one I’ve put off forever.  Abuse is never easy to talk about.  I’ll start with a disclaimer.  My abuse had happened the entire marriage, it wasn’t just a one time random thing, yet it wasn’t physically constant either.  I suffered from his mental abuse far more than physical, but I was always careful not to push certain buttons because I knew that if pushed hard enough there was violence lurking underneath.  After he cheated on me something inside of me died, in a good way.  At first I cared and wanted to be the best wife ever, and I just knew if I were better things...

Part 7: Gravity

When you cock a gun, you better be ready to pull the trigger, or basically don’t make threats that you can’t come through with. I always seemed to do this over and over in my marriage. I wanted him to change but I never could go through with my threats if he didn’t.  I was under the guise that no matter what, I was to do my part even if he didn’t. Stay the devoted wife that bends over backwards to make him happy, even if he’s leaving her home alone with three kids in a strange town while he runs wild. I even did this when I filed for...

Part 6: Jumping Ship

The whole month of February 2011 was dreadful.  As I sit here flipping my calendar pages filled with notes, it brings back so many sad memories.  To my husband, our house only had a revolving door.  He was mostly staying in Missouri at this point, and the very few moments he was at home were confusing.  There were a few good moments, but they would usually end in disappointment. I can vividly remember Super Bowl Sunday.  The day before had been my grandfather’s funeral.  My husband had wanted to go with me, and then the next day we sat around the house eating food and watching the football game.  In...