Standing on the other woman’s front porch that day, June 6, 2013, I couldn’t feel a thing. I was by this point completely and totally numb inside. The first time I had caught him cheating I felt a huge surge of emotions, almost more than I could handle. The only thing I can compare it to is riding on a small raft out in the ocean during a storm. Up and down, up and down. This time I was flatlined. I tried to get angry. I yelled at some people leaving their homes and told them why I was standing there. I felt nothing. I took the .357 magnum out of his truck and never felt a thing. I placed the pistol in my van just incase he followed me in an angry rage. I even introduced myself to some man across the street and got his name so he could verify that I was in fact stable.
12 hours before all of this, I laid in bed knowing exactly what I was going to do the following day. It wasn’t extremely hard to figure out what was going on this time around. For one, I was already familiar with the lies, and two it was almost like it all just fell into my lap. The number on the phone bill glared at me, almost as if it were highlighted, and something said this is the one. The Google search of the phone number gave us the exact name of the owner and I didn’t have to pay a cent. This led to the Facebook search, which led to Googling the address which came right up. I then drove to the house, took photos of the car and found that that exact same car happened to “work” where my husband worked. I then planned a stake out. But first I prayed and promised God that once I found out what I already thought I knew then I would wait it out for 30 days.
Even though it was extremely obvious this time around, I still didn’t want to believe it. That yet again this was happening. I knew as soon as I opened this can of worms there was no turning back, and I still more than anything wanted to save my husband. I still even thought that the marriage could be “fixed”. I naively thought that upon catching him he would also come to his senses and want to change. Hilarious.
I also prayed that night that if I were really supposed to get up at 6 a.m. and wake up 3 small kids and stuff them in a van then I would need some sign. That sign was that her number needed to be on the phone bill one last time. 6 a.m. came and I forced myself out of bed and on the Verizon website. There was the number, not once but twice. Time to go. The night before I had drove the streets of town and found the perfect place to park, I could see them they couldn’t see me. I sat there and waited patiently and watched as their vehicles left town right on schedule. After giving it some time I called up my best friend for moral support and headed toward the other woman’s town 20 minutes down the road.
I knew what I would find, and I really think I was meant to now, but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t any less shocked when I turned the corner and saw his truck parked in front of her house. I remember stopping the van and telling my friend that it was really there. I was somehow surprised that I was right once again.
I never even meant to get out of the van. I wanted to just see this with my own eyes, take some photos and leave but something was in the window moving. That’s when I thought they had seen me, and I started to wonder if maybe there was a real explanation for why he was there. I parked the van and walked to the door, where I could see right in since the glass screen door was the only thing closed. That’s when I realized I had only seen a dog. “Oh well”, I thought, “I’m here now and I want to know what’s going on.” so I kept on knocking.
I knocked on the door off and on for about 45 minutes. At one point a blonde haired woman in a pajama shirt and shorts comes down the hallway to where it meets the living room. She sees me and stops dead in her tracks and goes back down the hallway. I keep knocking. My friend is still there on the phone keeping me calm. My life is a soap opera.
I finally decided that no one was coming to the door and that it was time to go. As I am pulling away I see a figure walking down the road. I turn around and it is in fact Thomas. He’s wearing a white t-shirt and blue scrub pants. I drive towards him with my window down and yell “Cheater!” out the window as I circle around him. I take a few photos. He denies being there to cheat, he informs me that he is there to move furniture. If any furniture was being moved it was only the bed and mattress. He claims he has been walking around the small town waiting for Amanda to come home.
After arguing back and forth I decide I don’t want to hear anymore and drive away. I am sent the number, as I am driving, to the other woman’s fiance and call him up to ask him some questions. He tells me he had just moved out a few days before and that they were no longer getting married. He tells me that on Memorial Day Amanda did in fact leave and go to “study”. He’s very helpful in affirming all of my fears.
I decide I am too scared to go home. I have no idea what to do but I know I can’t go there. I drive to McDonald’s and call the pastor of a church I have been attending and tell him I need to talk. He gets me in contact with the church counselor and we set up a time to meet. I drive to the other side of town to a park I know that no one will never look for me in. During this time my phone won’t stop ringing, but I refuse to answer. My kids run and play and I wish I could join in. I sit under a pavilion. As I am sitting there I look down into the grass and discover a 4 leaf clover.
After my counseling session I return home to find Thomas is there. I return the gun to his truck and begrudgingly go inside. I try and talk to Thomas eventually but he doesn’t care. He sleeps on the couch that night and left early the next morning for work. He never returned to stay again, staying with his mom or new woman.
At some point the next day I discover that Thomas has taken everything out of our bank account, leaving it in the negative. I made a promise to not leave for 30 days and never once expected to do that with no money. I wasn’t sure what I would do or how we would get by but I was determined to trust God and keep the promise to stay for 30 days, even if it is miserable.